Who do you feel closest to? The odds are you didn’t say yourself, despite the fact that Chazal have told us that “odom karov etzel atzmo”. This phrase literally means “a person is his own relative or a person is close to himself”, the implications of this concept are quite broad, extending to the Jewish court system. Individuals are not believed to give evidence that would be self-incriminating. Ultimately the concept ought to mean that we look out for ourselves, for if we don’t care about ourselves no one will. Concurrently, we must never imagine ourselves to be unlovable.
There is another concept that we must know, that of ahava atzmis – innate self-love. This might sound sweet, but it provides an explanation for why we seldom perceive our own faults whilst being very successful at policing the world and seeing all that is wrong in others. The Mishnah (Nega’im 2:5) teaches us that “kol ha’nega’im adam ro’eh chutz mi’nig’ei atzmo – a person sees all blemishes except his own. So, on the one hand we are meant to love ourselves whilst being aware of the limitations this might have on our ability to recognise our weaknesses.
Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe in his Alei Shur writes that in ancient Athens a man ran around asking people how should we live. He identifies the man as the Philosopher Socrates. Another man ran around the streets with a flaming torch. The locals were intrigued at this unusual man. They asked him who are you searching for. He replied that he is looking for a mentch. He wanted to understand what it means to be a human being. What qualities and attitudes we need to cultivate to truly live the best versions of ourselves.
Boruch Hashem, we have the gift of Torah that saves us from running round like crazy people, and searching for answers to the deepest of questions. We know that humanity are created be’tzelem Elokim and that by acting like Hashem with middos tovos we are elevated. We have an incorruptible neshomo that remains good and pure whatever we do. Yet many of us are searching in the dark sometimes like crazy people for how to live and how to internalise this truth that we are more than just advanced animals. The Alter of Slobodka zt”l focused on the importance of the greatness of man, gadlus ha’adam – to be aware of how important we are. He said in the name of Reb Yisrael Salanter that the purpose of studying Mussar is to “uplift the broken-hearted and to give life to those who are crushed”, and therefore, by becoming aware of our inherent greatness, we can achieve tremendous growth in life.
There is though, a fine line between being cognisant of how great we are and that feeling of gaava, haughtiness and arrogance. To remedy this malaise we need to delve deeper in to what is meant by gadlus ha’adam.
Unfortunately, due to stress or perhaps a lack of good middos there are mechanchim and mechanchos who laud themselves over colleagues and students, denying a truth that we utter every morning, when we describe how Hashem created us all with a pure neshomo. We all deserve to be viewed and accepted as a neshomo. Our titles, whether they be real or desired , earned or gifted mean absolutely nothing if we cleave to them whilst trampling on others. Our children are sensitive to the nuances of the adult world. When adults stamp their feet, grunt or make other incoherent sounds to clear a path in a school corridor because they are walking through, a statement is being made that they are superior and more worthy.
Our true gedolim conduct themselves differently so that they are honoured precisely because they run away from it. The ketanim, the kovod seekers end up looking foolish and in worst case scenarios end up causing much damage. This is true of husbands and wives true as well of parents and children. When we connect with each other as a body, we experience separation and distance. Whereas when we see ourselves as neshomos, a part of a great whole we are so deeply connected. From that feeling of being connected comes the self love mentioned above in the purest most beautiful form.
A yid can be very frum learn Torah daven with a passion but forget that he is a neshomo. But nebech, this type of a person resembles an animal because the true greatness of being human has yet to be revealed.
True humility according to the Chovos HaLevovos can only be reached after a person has romemus hanefesh when he realises that he is a neshomo, and thus he feels exalted, in a healthy and constructive way. The Sforno in his introduction to his commentary on the Torah writes “that the Torah first tells us that Hakadosh Baruch Hu created man in His image, in order to choose to emulate His Creator as much as possible. For in this way he will perfect himself and his actions will be complete and honourable more than any other, just like what’s befitting to Him Who Is Blessed, who is exulted above everything else. Just as a child is born with certain traits from his parents which are often expressed in those quirky moments when we see ourselves in our child’s behaviour, so too we have the capacity to become like Hashem and emulate His behaviour. There is nothing bad that can come out of striving to emulate Hashem and learning from His ways.
The Akeidas Yitzchok commenting on Pirkei Ovos explains the teaching of Rabbi Akiva. “Man is beloved since he was created in The image of Hashem. The meaning is that since this image had been bestowed on him at the very beginning of the creative process, i.e. nivra, he has the potential to emulate Divine powers. However, not one in ten million reaches this lofty goal. Rabbi Akiva continues to single out the Jewish nation, which due to the gift of Torah, can hope to achieve the human ideal more easily than any other nation. The Jewish people are called banim, children, to show that they possess more of the traits of the "father," i.e. their Creator.
We must realise and tap into this part of ourselves, emulate our Father In Heaven, for if and when we do then then our greatness shines, and that is true Gadlus Ha’adam!
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