A couple of weeks ago I had the good fortune to be the guest speaker at a graduation ceremony for a group of Bar and Bas Mitzva students. This inspirational group of Manchester students do not all have the privilege of being brought up in a Torah centric family and community. Yet for a year they dedicated their free time to learning about the work of the biggest welfare organisation in Manchester, the FED.
The FED provides vital assistance from birth to old age. At one stage, one in every seven Jewish families in Manchester were being assisted; from Chassideshe families to those who are Jewish but unaffiliated. The level of need in the Manchester community is huge and boruch Hashem this incredible organisation provides so much help. The student group were taught all about the invaluable chessed that goes on and to be aware of and sensitive to, the needs of members of our community.
The students spent time with residents with dementia and old age frailties as well as assisting in the children groups, for kids with extra needs. The ceremony format mimicked an interview with two students asking questions to their peers who were able to talk eloquently about what they had gained over the course of the year.
I was invited to address the students and their families. In my speech I referred the well known chazal on the pesukim in Shemos that describe Moshe Rabeinu growing up “vayigdal.” The Torah describes Moshe growing up in adjacent pesukim which begs the question, why the repetition. Chazal teach us that one reference is about the physical development and the second refers to the emotional/spiritual development of Moshe. I said:
“We all know, that bar and bat Mitzva signals the start of adulthood in Jewish thought. With most children, we have to imagine them being adults. The boys still with their high pitched voices sound anything but adult men. And the girls far from their full stature as confident and beautiful Jewish women. But, what you have done is so spectacular that you really deserve this celebration. Being an adult means taking responsibility. By completing this course, you have shown us that you are ready to become adults. I want to bless and challenge you.
You should have eyes to see what others need, ears to really hear what people say, to listen when their I am fine is really, I need help. Feet to run and help others. Hands to lift people up and support those who are frail.
Use your mouths to communicate how important it is to help. Encourage your friends and families to play their part in supporting our community. Be very proud of yourselves today as we are very proud of you.
Ultimately this programme has positively lifted the lid on the level of need in our community. Far from being ashamed and embarrassed, the young students are equipped with knowledge and when they are older, they will certainly volunteer and help out.
How at odds this scheme is to the attitude of many in our kehilla, that brush problems under the proverbial carpet and feel at peace hoping the problems will just go away if we ignore them. Some worry about what the neighbours will say, or how it will adversely affect the well-manicured image that they wish to portray to the world. Children that are different are hidden, problems are not spoken about. Others, fear the future shadchan, forgetting that there is a G-d who runs the world and who according to the Gemoro already decided who you will marry. Hashem doesn’t make mistakes, every child and every situation is an expression of Hashem’s love for us. If you are challenged, then you have the ability to ride the wave or learn to dance in between the rain drops and sometimes to dance in the rain.
In more extreme cases of need due to neglect or abuse, some believe it acceptable to not only ignore and not report to authorities but to blame the victim instead of the perpetrator. We are also quite skilled at blaming segments of the community for certain troubles, for example breaches in tznius, talking in davening or not shockling with enough intensity. When this happens and people accept this, we are forgetting the text of the Yom Tov Musaf davening which says “mipnei chataeinu, because of our collective wrongdoing.” Actually, we are doing worse than a mistake in religious thinking or theological error. The age of prophecy is long gone, so we actually don’t know the inner reason or cause of events. When we blame or ignore the victims we are potentially destroying the victims and the life they could have had. When Kayin murdered his brother Hevel, Hashem tells him “the voice of the bloods of your brother are calling from the ground.” The meforshim explain that Kayin was guilty not only for his brother’s death, but for the generations that could have been born from him that now cannot. When we don’t listen or help a victim and they deteriorate we are guilty of much more than the one life we are ignoring.
The Chumish does not hide the failings of our ancestors. Moshe Rabbeinu has a torrid time of things yet his love for every single Jew, means he can find the light and the love to keep on davening for them whilst acknowledging what they have done and the ills of the community.
The Neviim of old, would stand in Yerushalayim and rebuke the community quite openly. Hashem doesn’t ignore our behaviour and if we wish to be Hashem’s people by being more G-dlike then we too must demand from all sections of the community to be more open and real. Never to blame the victim, but rather to extend our hands in love and friendship. To rehabilitate and reintegrate those who feel distant. To acknowledge when we are struggling and when we need the help of the many amazing organisations in our community. Our community is frighteningly small and we cannot afford to lose a single Jew. As Ben Azai says in the opening of the fourth pe
rek in Ovos
אַל תְּהִי בָז לְכָל אָדָםDo not despise any man -
According to the Maharal this teaches us that we must never say “that this person has no significance and is considered extra in the world, and he has no part in the world at all. And this thing is like the Mitzvos of the Torah, since all of the Mitzvos of the Torah complete the one Torah; and [then] the whole Torah is one complete concept, without a lack and without anything missing. And likewise, every person that the Holy One, blessed be He, created on the earth - everyone completes the world. Yet all things that are in the world have their place - since they are ordered by Hashem, may He be blessed, each one in its place. And with man, it is relevant to say, "Do not despise" - since honour is relevant to man. And that is why he said, "Do not despise any person," to treat him with the opposite of honour.
We must be brave and look under the proverbial carpet and deal with every bump and tell Hashem we love all his children, whether they are babies or the elderly. I bless us with the blessing I gave the bar and bas mitzva students. We should merit to make avinu sh’bashamayim proud of all of us.
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