Managing our own feelings
We don’t always succeed in understanding our own feelings. At times we express them for all to see, sometimes though, we are so ashamed of how we feel that we project our own feelings onto others. Freud called this a psychological defense mechanism.
It is a common process that every person uses to some degree.
I do not like another person. But I have a value that says I should like everyone. So I project onto them that they do not like me. This allows me to avoid them and also to handle my own feelings of dislike.
Projection, like all defense mechanisms, provides a function whereby a person can protect their conscious mind from a feeling that is otherwise repulsive. A woman who is attracted to a fellow worker accuses the person of sexual advances. Or an unfaithful husband suspects his wife of infidelity.
Projection can also be established as a means of obtaining or justifying certain actions that would normally be found atrocious or heinous. This often means projecting false accusations, information, etc onto an individual for the sole purpose of maintaining a self created illusion.
This week we read of the spies who were sent to investigate the Land of Israel. They encountered different nations that had built homes and fortifications. They were amazed by the vegetation and natural resources. But despite divine assurances and promises they returned with a negative report. One comment in particular stands out.
“There we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, descended from the giants. In our eyes, we seemed like grasshoppers, and so we were in their eyes.”
Without having spoken to the locals there is no way that they would have known how they were perceived. They were rejecting the land that had been promised to them. The land flowing with milk and honey. To do so publicly is an outrageous act of rebellion. But to project these feelings onto how others perceived them was their psychological defense mechanism as Freud taught.
There is a fine line between reality and illusion. This week when you see others in a negative light, ask yourself: are you projecting? Also understand that when others criticizing you, they may well be criticizing a projection of themselves. So hold up a mirror and keep quiet.
We like to feel in control and projecting feelings allows the ego to continue to pretend that it is completely in control. We take comfort in believing that those we associate with are like us. Projection may also happen to obliterate attributes of other people with which we are uncomfortable. We assume that they are like us, and in doing so we allow ourselves to ignore those attributes they have with which we are uncomfortable.
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