When we learn Chumish as children we are taught a simple understanding of the text. For some this understanding remains with them till adulthood. For others, adulthood brings a new joy of studying through understanding the text according to a range of meforshim and revelling in their diverse perspectives. If you’ve only ever studied on a basic level, one that is entirely informed by studying just one interpretation what follows might be a shock.
Twenty years have passed and Yaakov and Esav are destined to meet each other. Yaakov is understandably terrified. Wouldn’t you be frozen in terror if you were faced with an armed militia of 400 men? Yaakov and family are defenceless civilian targets. We assume that the years have not calmed brother Esav. As Rashi tells us: “To your brother Esav: You see him as your brother, but he is acting towards you as the evil Esav. He is still filled with the same hate.”
We usually learn that Esav is a thug and a villain looking to hurt Yaakov and his family. Yaakov is the innocent victim. We anticipate the massacre as we read the pesukim. Perhaps we are waiting for a miracle, some Divine intervention that will rescue our hero and his family just in time. But that doesn’t happen, neither does the massacre. Instead, Esav greets Yaakov really nicely. We are left wondering what is going on, how can Esav hug Yaakov so nicely? Are the brothers finally reconciling?
The Rashbam learns differently to his grandfather Rashi. In his view, the messengers return from their meeting with Esav with a very different feeling: “We came to your brother, to Esav: And you gained his favour just as you wished! In fact, he is so happy about your arrival that, in his love towards you he is coming to meet you with four hundred men in your honour. This is the focus of the text. And Yaakov was greatly frightened: in his heart. Even though Esav had expressed to the delegation his intention of honouring Yaakov, Yaakov did not believe that Esav’s intentions were good.” So here we have a very different picture of Esav, and of Yaakov. When we think about what the Torah reveals to us, all we have is a description of the 400 men coming towards Yaakov. So, what is Esav’s mindset?
Later Esav tries to reject Yaakov’s gift, saying: “I have enough, my brother; let what you have remain yours.” And finally, Esav suggests that they unite their families: “Let us travel on our journey; I will proceed at your pace.” According to this approach, the brothers are in a good place. It seems that Esav let go of the pain from the past and wants to have a better happier future. Esav is prepared to move on, to forget the past.
So, what was Yaakov thinking? Why was he so worried? Why was he not able to put the past firmly and securely behind him? Was Yaakov’s fear all misplaced? What is fuelling Yaakov’s fear? For Rashi, Esav is a violent adversary who wants to kill Yaakov from the start. If this is true, we wonder why Esav eventually greets Yaakov so warmly. What happened to transform Esav? For Rashbam we also have a problem. Esav is positively disposed to Yaakov throughout the story. But the question points at Yaakov. Why is he so terrified? His fear is so genuine, so deep, if Esav is really not a threat, then we have to understand Yaakov.
One can suggest that it is not Esav but Yaakov who needs to change. When he receives a new name, he also begins a new identity. Yaakov really tries hard to avoid meeting Esav. According to the Rashbam the night time river crossing was about avoiding Esav. "He intended to escape an alternative route and hence he crossed the wadi at night … he intended to avoid Esav entirely and an angel wrestled with him to prevent his escape so that he would see the fulfilment of Hashem's promise, that Esav not harm him."
Yaakov, meaning trickery can move to the straight path, because his experience here teaches him not to be fearful. Yaakov must have the confidence that he can face Esav, this is the change of Yaakov to Yisrael. And this is the transformation of Yaakov from fear to confidence. The lessons in Avodas Hashem is that obsessing over the past can prevent a person from creating a new life in the present. If we continually get bogged down in our own failures, then we will simply stop trying and then we certainly fail.
Rebbe Nachman teaches that “ The wicked are filled with regrets but they never really know what regret is. Any sorrow they may feel results only in their strengthening their wickedness. As soon as a thought of remorse enters their minds, they fight it by making themselves more determined in their evil. It is like two men fighting. As soon as one begins to win, the other fights all the harder. As soon as evil detects that good is beginning to stir in a person, it fights extra hard. This is an important principle in serving Hashem. The more you want to serve Hashem, the more the Evil One strives against you. If you realise this, you can fight him with strategy and continually defeat him. With Hashem’s help, you will be worthy of emerging victorious. Judaism is rich with teachings about embracing what life throws at you. Life experiences, whether perceived as good or bad, are all opportunities to receive, grow, and learn.
Of course, fear and worry over past mistakes can prevent a person from actualising their potential, but once we know that ups and downs are part of the relationship with Hashem then we are forearmed with the correct attitude. Remember too, the Gemoro that asks: And why did they call him Naḥum of Gam Zu? The reason is that with regard to any matter that occurred to him, he would say: This too is for the good [gam zu letova].
We are often our own worst enemies. We avoid conflict, we run away from ourselves, because we are embarrassed of who we are or the journey we have been on. Yaakov needed a late night encounter with an angel and a name change to become a different person. We have the benefit of being able to learn Torah and discover these truths for ourselves. Our main challenge is to implement the changes we need to make and discover a better version of ourselves. If we succumb to fear and paranoia then the experience will only repeat itself until we make that change. The night will give way to morning, the sun will shine and heal our wounds when we are victorious and defeat our own demons.
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