The calendar hanging on the wall in our kitchen tells me that this Shabbos is an hafsoko. Sandwiched between Parashas Shekalim and Zachor we take a break this week. If the calendar designers left the word off, we would still know that there is no extra leining and no special theme for the Shabbos. So why type those extra words?
I am sure that the wise scholars reading this can share numerous ideas, but permit me to share with you my own perspective. We know that a fundamental difference between angels and people is that angels are static whilst people are dynamic. An angel cannot change whilst people continually move up or down, away from Hashem or towards Hashem. Yet, with all the movement, we do need to rest and take stock. This doesn’t have to result in negative spirituality, but it might temporarily mean we go backwards and stop growing and improving. I think that’s ok too. Life can often feel like a never-ending race with multiple obstacles and hurdles. At times we are the victims of our own stupidity and the choices we make, “baderech sh’adam holech , molichin oto, Hashem takes us on the path we wish to walk on.”
At the same time, we have a concept both in the physical world and in spirituality of yerida letzorech aliya, going down in order to go up. We sometimes need to stop, gather ourselves and then with renewed vigour our output is increased and we achieve more.
We really don’t need to make a virtue of not stopping. Masmidim are rightly respected members of our kehilla, so too are the baalei chessed that work tirelessly to make the world a better place. Notwithstanding, the hectic pace of life is not healthy. Mental health suffers when we fail to invest in ourselves. The high rates of antidepressant medication taken, suggests that we need a different approach. It’s not ok to broadcast strength and coping to our neighbours if we are broken inside. In fact it’s ok not to be ok.
Focus area #1
We need to give our kids a break. Exceptionally long days at school, followed by night time chaburahs and possibly homework take away their childhood. Why has it become reasonable and commonplace to transform our children into adults? Just like our physical maturation is a process that stretches over many years, so too should our emotional spiritual maturation. There are many positive aspects of being a child that we lose as we grow up. Children are creative, they dream and imagine possibilities that most adults dismiss with heavy doses of cynicism. They are also more expressive, more open about their lives, they display greater passion and enthusiasm than adults. Adults, worry about what others will say, or how nosey neighbours will judge us, kids don’t care. Kids need more time to play and explore, to create and develop themselves.
Being blessed with a clever child should not be confused with having a wise child. Wisdom comes from years of real-life experience and understanding. Da’as is a maturity of the mind, an ability to make connections and perceive the consequences of one’s ideas. A person can come up with brilliant ideas, but without da’as, those ideas don’t connect with the real world.
A child before bar or bas mitzva is not a bar da’as. Even after their coming of age it takes time to develop da’as. Inappropriate behaviour must be stopped, but if the child is merely being a child in spite of your expectations, then change your expectations. If you read the neviim, it becomes clear very quickly that repetitive demands to change behaviour was how Hashem treated our ancestors. Hashem as our parent, showing us how we should parent our children. Over and over again, many hundreds of prophets came to tell us, "Do what you were told to do. Keep the mitzvos." Hashem knows that even after He’s taught us right and wrong, we’re not going to do it right; we’re children
and we’re human. So He repeats it, but He doesn’t throw us out of the house. We need to do the same with our own children: to teach them right from wrong forty times, but then not to be surprised that they haven’t changed yet. Ultimately, they will change. Our frustration with kids still being kids after we’ve told them forty times is not acceptable. We don’t have the right to refuse our kids their childhood. The heiliger Rebbe Kalonymus Kalmish Shapira of Piaseczna writes in chovas Hatalmidim that many characteristics of children are vital for life as an adult. He was speaking about the negative things children do, that as an adult would be positive. A child who is always angry is not good, but targeted anger at injustice is a wonderful quality that an adult can have. So, why is it that we are so keen to snuff out childhood awe , wonder and amazement? Why do we dress our sons as yeshiva bochrim the moment they become bar mitzvah? They have so much to explore and learn about themselves and the world. The future is in their hands, they need to be ready for a future that will be very different from our present. So, let us stop and take a break and give our kids their childhood.
Focus area #2
We grown ups need to slow down and take stock of what we have accomplished instead of always feeling insecure at what we have yet to achieve. According to the Ramchal, rushing is the close ally of the yetzer hara (our negative, self-sabotaging inclination). Rushing impels us to react from our animal soul (the limbic system) rather than our higher self (the altruistic, optimistic, G-d-focused mind). Many of us feel as though we are constantly under pressure. Whether the pressure is real or imagined, our health suffers, and our thinking becomes reactive and confused. Nor are we likely to deal with our problems or with the needs of our loved ones in a calm and elevated fashion. Recall that chazal teach us that Odom l’amal yulad, we are born into a life of toil and effort, action and involvement in the world. Life will always be challenging. Consequently, arriving at inner peace is not the ultimate value, especially if it results in withdrawal from our individual and communal responsibility.
We yearn for yishuv hada’as, often misunderstood as “peace of mind.” It might be more accurate to think about Yishuv hada’as as the act of “settling into present moment awareness.” The goal is to enter fully into whatever is occurring in our lives and meet it with full presence. Jewish mindfulness isn’t about detaching from the problems of this world, but actively meeting those difficulties by being cognitively and emotionally engaged in that moment. By so doing, we will be better prepared to confront and grow from challenges, improve ourselves and actively work towards the betterment of society. So this week let us take a break from chasing our goals. Let us pause and live in the glorious moment of parashas Pekudei. The effort invested into building the Mishkon was rewarded when the shechina returned to the Bnei Yisrael. Let us daven that we too witness the presence of Hashem in our lives and that we have the mindfulness to experience it. We spend too much time chasing shadows instead of basking in the glorious shadow of Hashem’s loving embrace.
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